問世閒情爲何物。。。
i remember asking max (i think i mentioned this before already) what are the boundaries for friends and something more than friends. then i thought of something, the song we once sang for talentime audition (and din get in LOL): "友達以上，戀人未滿" ie more than friends, not yet lovers. just had a long chat and i finally told him what has been bothering me...and he turned out to be more understanding than i thought. no wonder he could stand being my good friend for so long...xD
something i got enlightened on recently...it's easy to be/feel happy with friends, cos with friends u have lower expectations, like u wont expect ur friends to ditch everything they are doing to console u when u're feeling really down, yet when u're with someone u secretly wish for them to be by ur side 24/7 even though u know it's not possible, then blaming them for not being there for u...
he says i have changed alot since the time before we lost contact for 2 years ie sometime in jc1 till now. apparently now i've became more cynical and defensive...(that's what i understood from what he said lah. correct me if i'm wrong... :X) but obviously loh who wont change when 1. they lost contact with their friends for 2 years (i also dun know how that happened, somehow it just did, cos i got sick of having to explain myself, having quarrels every single time after i go out with my friends) and 2. had to rebuild their lives practically from scratch.
it's the feeling that u're standing among a crowd, not moving yet still feeling lost. cos i forgot who i was anymore. i din know how to be by myself anymore. another thing he mentioned was...something about the way i show concern now? :X lol yeah i sort of discovered that if u show how much u care about someone, u're actually exposing urself to hurt, making urself vulnerable. cos if u dun care then u wont get hurt. it's only when u care what that person say or do then would u get hurt...
i never trusted ppl easily ever since i was sec2, which is why i always observe ppl for quite sometime before i decide if they are actually "safe" enough for me to trust, cos it's when u trust ppl that their betrayal hurts the most. like discovering ur friend has actually been hiding something important concerning u from u. even then i do not trust them 100%...i still need to reserve some part, just in case the worst happens i wont be caught completely unprepared, at least i can say " wa heng i never completely trust that person sia...if not would have been completely cheated liao".
sometimes no matter how much u want a relationship to work, it wont cos it's missing something. for me i think in order to have a relationship, they need to 1. know each other well enough that they know what they are in for (LOL sounds bad :X), so that they can trust each other and 2. chemistry. i couldnt differentiate between friendship and love anymore. it felt like we were still just friends. oh well...i kind of forgot what i was going to blog about. =/
*thisismymagicaltale*