so i'm not good enough. what's new?
i know u needed to rant and u needed a friend. but imagine if the friend and the accused are actually the same person...and now i'm speaking to u as a friend. STOP SELF-PITYING AND WAKE UP PLEASE. "nobody cares about me liao" etc are u sure? yes friends might not be there for u 24/7 but who can? afterall friends are not ur significant other or something, they have their own lives. dun just assume that oh, just cos they did one small thing wrong they are not ur true friends/dun treat u good/dun care about u.
i know u said many ppl pretend to be ur friends but actually they just want to make use of u. that's life. u just have to be smart enough to know who are the real friends and who are the others.
and now i shall talk to u as...someone more than a friend. please stop acting like u really know everything. u just have to admit that there will be some things in which others actually know more about than u. is ur male ego too big to acknowledge that fact? i'm not trying to criticize u but it really puts me off. i dun know about other ppl and i dun know whether u've noticed me trying to change the topic whenever u start one of ur ask-me-and-i-can-do-whatever-it-is speeches...
u told me the person u loved most in ur life was ur ex...but i sort of knew that already cos both before and after we got together, i felt that she was constantly popping up in the conversation...and i felt that somehow i cant measure up to her. so if i ever want to find...i want to find someone who is the one i love the most and whom i am the most too.
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like i said before, i may appear normal on the outside but sometimes i cant help but let something slip through. u asked me why the sudden decision to get together after so long and i couldnt really give u an answer. that's cos i think i'm not sure why too. 不清不楚的在一起，然后不清不楚的分开，i think that's the best description already.
i know i'm not a good gf. ty said as much before already. but everytime i'm trying to learn from my mistakes...i just dun know what i can do anymore. maybe like what he said, i'm just plain selfish, everytime must always do things my way. i dun know why it became like that, but i always thought that was cos he din want to make the decisions.
please dun think that i'm some sadist who likes to hurt ppl on purpose. i'm not that numb or unfeeling. i cant hurt ppl without feeling hurt too. and sometimes i dun even know what i did that hurt them or how they managed to get hurt by it.
i'm not sure what does love feel like anymore. i'm not sure if i've ever experienced it before...maybe once...twice...the feeling whenever u see them, that happy feeling like ur heart is bursting. looking forward to meeting them, talking to them... but i guess i really numbed myself to the point that i dun let myself feel any of that anymore
just read 2 articles these few days about how it might not be fair to judge ppl base on their facebook...but i realise that it's really easy for ppl to do whatever they want since they can always just argue that's it only online...weird.
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i think i read somewhere that studies/research/surveys have shown that ppl dun like it when their companions keep a constant look-on for other ppl they might know/friends while they are outside together. cos it feels like once they found someone else more interesting/good-looking/humorous/entertaining etc they would get passed over for that someone. it's that constant feeling of "if i'm so interesting, why do they have to keep a look-out for someone more interesting? it must be cos i'm not good enough..."
i used to wonder why ppl would do that...i mean, it would definitely be more fun to talk to ppl u know, and the one u're going out with would definitely be one of those better friends...(if not why are u out with him/her?) that's another reason why i never really notice my surroundings when i'm out with my friends...why should i when the ppl i want to be with are already around me? =)
sometimes u do things out of the sudden that make me feel really touched cos of the thought and effort. but other times u also do things that make me...suddenly apprehensive. which is why i said u were complicated...
*thisismymagicaltale*