Sunday, August 30, 2009
dun freaking say one thing and do another.
went to watch FD4 at cathay yesterday with hl...was late cos somehow we both met up late. :X dun know why he live near cck in the end still later than me...==" then on the bus ride there really talked crap alot...i intro-ed him to cathay's super nice fish and chips and sweet popcorn! :D yesterday's was somehow especially nice cos it was slightly burnt and sweeter than normal! xD yumyum~ was late for the movie AGAIN (dun know why always miss the openings...x.x) and i realise thrillers/horror movies are really nicer in 3D! it's like the effects are so real and so near u... :X
basically the first few deaths were sort of unexpected, yet after some thinking u would realise that actually they COULD happen, they are not totally impossible, it's just that it's very hard to get a string of coincidences like this. the first death that i managed to remember is the guy in the swimming pool, dun know why the suction thing (hl tried to explain the science of it to me but my science really really cmi...=/) can suck up the guy's lungs/liver...so disgusting. at that point in time i was actually thinking..."heyyyy i can watch a gory movie and eat fish and chips at the same time! :D" (dun u think the fish and chips looked like the liver/lungs...?)
the part where i really started to pay attention was the one at the shopping mall and they were watching a movie...while trying to escape the female lead got caught in the escalator and somehow she vomitted blood when her leg got caught in the wheels...O.O and the male lead had to look on while she got grinded to death... ._.lll but anyway he realised it was only a vision, in the end he *thought* they managed to break the chain, but 2 weeks later they were in a cafe when suddenly a truck or something crashed into them...
at this point the graphics turned into something cool! :D it showed the skeleton view of how each of the 3 ppl left died...the girl got every bone (i think) from her skull onwards, to her ribcage etc broken by the wheels. the female lead got her neck cleanly snapped off while the male lead somehow banged into the wall and broke his skull and teeth...o.o so basically, this movie is recommended if u're in a sadist mood and best is not to eat anything other than popcorn...=)
was supposed to go rot at mac for horror movie marathon... but we walked past dhoby and got tempted to l4d...AGAIN. x.x saw some new map names so we thought got new maps...but actually all are alternate names for those we have already played or are incomplete...=/ nvm think i shall cut down (cut down =/= totally stop worh!) the time spent on l4d...maybe next time try advanced for new maps? :D
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
suddenly thought of a list of things that i want to get...x.x shall write them down before i forget and buy when i get my next pay since i shouldnt have to pay any bills/fees next month! :D
1. Baby- G watch. think i had a pink one before and lost it...=(
2. Doraemon Japanese book for learning Jap. tried to find it before but my sensei said he specially ordered it from Japan...D:
3. clothes/shoes/bag: bag shall be those be enough for all my books kind...shoes shall be those sandals/slippers non-slippery kind that i can wear to anywhere... :X
4. sweater that feels thick and comfy yet is very light so that i can bring to sch...
5.wallet that i've been lusting for quite awhile in The Wallet Shop~
shall update if i think of more later. xD
was feeling fine yesterday, just tired until my SSA lecture then i started to have this killer headache...in the end i couldnt tahan and left during the break. but while i was on the bus my nausea got to a point where i couldnt take it anymore...and since i din want to vomit on the bus i alighted. and here come the problem: now how do i go home when i cant take/bus/taxi or walk home? so in the end i called home to ask my bro come fetch me...D:
felt too paiseh to vomit in bro's car cos 1.was afraid of leaving the smell and 2. din want him to listen while i vomit, so disgusting! so i tahan-ed till i reached home then chionged to toilet...x.x straight away slept all the way till 8+ am...haix. just went to see the doc and i think she thought i'm pregnant or something...O.O ha but if she ever ask me that i would just tell her my fb quiz answer lolol. :X
shall update about sunday in next entry...still waiting for photos. =/
Sunday, August 23, 2009
LOL at my own title...xD better update these before i forget... :X
went clubbing with suntec, mh, celine and her friends on fri at rebel. i thought it would be too late by the time i finish work but apparently the real action only starts sometime around 12+ 1+. (omg i just saw a bright flash of lightning x.x) it was fun psychoing suntec to go with us! :D somehow her friends were drunk by the time we met them... ._. but luckily they still seemed quite normal... :X
so basically i tried a sip of suntec's drink (rum) and mh's drink (dry whiskey or something) and shared a brandy with coke with celine...one guy actually came to talk to us (i dun know what he was saying, at first i thought he was one of their friends...O.O) but suntec said he was trying to invite us to dance or something, in the end i think it was somehow said that he was trying to ask us if he looked drunk ._.
i think i was the wet blanket cos i din dance on the dance floor. but i din even want to go onto the dance floor in the first place mah... -.- then SOMEBODY keep banging me hoping that i would get unstuck and start dancing LOL. :X so i guess the clubbing scene isnt for me...or maybe next time i would really just stay off the dance floor. (i saw alot ppl sitting and not dancing also loh...i shall be the observer xD) reached home and slept like a pig till i had to wake up to meet izu...
went to daiso (omg she actually din know how to go imm from je interchange -.-) to buy the pouches...so limited choices! x.x then went to meet suntec...oh yeah at this point i must mention the yukata. suntec went to collect our yukatas yesterday at bishan, but in the end the person said hers was out of stock and somehow she forgot to inform her so in the end she never order anything! where got like that de...at least must contact the buyer again right?? ._. in the end she got no new yukata...lucky she got an old one but the new one was supposed to lend to shan...x.x anyway at first i thought i ordered the wrong design cos the link in the order form was actually a light blue one...in the end it turned out that i ordered correctly. ._.
so...we went to her house and basically crapped/stoned in her room after the long and sleep-inducing bus ride...then shan came and we continued crapping and dressing...(thanks suntec and shan for helping me wear the yukata and obi and do my hair! :D unglam unglam...x.x) by the time mh came i think we were *almost* finishing...(shall include the photos after suntec/shan/mh send them to me! :D) then ate cup noodles...lol mass maggie mee eating session xD IZU PLEASE SIT DEMURELY! :X hurhur...still dare say i look like yakuza (or something like that? o.o) aka 大姐大... -.- then it was 4+ before we finally went out to take taxi...when we reached we saw along queue and the yukata rental actually ran out already...D: i wonder how those ppl manage to rent so fast loh...
played 2 games, 1 is random ticam and hopefully will get a big prize...but sadly i din. =/ then another is supposed to use a paper hook to hook the balloon...but in the end we din manage to hook dao but we still got balloons! :D took some group photos...then bought food and went to picnic at the seating area. was supposed to meet sihan but somehow...wrong time wrong place. :X anyway~met sharn also...then the performances started...mass dancing! xD so fun except that i din know the moves...and someone keep 偷拍... D:
and we saw eye candy! i thought our tastes were different...but apparently we both liked number 11! another reason why it's my fave number...xD Nao-sama <3>
then went to take chartered bus to expo...sihan wanted to come find me but somehow... ._. so we all stoned on the train...attempted to take some nice photos...if not all the photos i have to upload will be those random/sudden shots and unglam ones...x.x 夏祭り <3!>
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Girl: i love u.
Guy: i dun love u, so please stop saying that u love me.
Friday, August 21, 2009
i know u needed to rant and u needed a friend. but imagine if the friend and the accused are actually the same person...and now i'm speaking to u as a friend. STOP SELF-PITYING AND WAKE UP PLEASE. "nobody cares about me liao" etc are u sure? yes friends might not be there for u 24/7 but who can? afterall friends are not ur significant other or something, they have their own lives. dun just assume that oh, just cos they did one small thing wrong they are not ur true friends/dun treat u good/dun care about u.
i know u said many ppl pretend to be ur friends but actually they just want to make use of u. that's life. u just have to be smart enough to know who are the real friends and who are the others.
and now i shall talk to u as...someone more than a friend. please stop acting like u really know everything. u just have to admit that there will be some things in which others actually know more about than u. is ur male ego too big to acknowledge that fact? i'm not trying to criticize u but it really puts me off. i dun know about other ppl and i dun know whether u've noticed me trying to change the topic whenever u start one of ur ask-me-and-i-can-do-whatever-it-is speeches...
u told me the person u loved most in ur life was ur ex...but i sort of knew that already cos both before and after we got together, i felt that she was constantly popping up in the conversation...and i felt that somehow i cant measure up to her. so if i ever want to find...i want to find someone who is the one i love the most and whom i am the most too.
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like i said before, i may appear normal on the outside but sometimes i cant help but let something slip through. u asked me why the sudden decision to get together after so long and i couldnt really give u an answer. that's cos i think i'm not sure why too. 不清不楚的在一起，然后不清不楚的分开，i think that's the best description already.
i know i'm not a good gf. ty said as much before already. but everytime i'm trying to learn from my mistakes...i just dun know what i can do anymore. maybe like what he said, i'm just plain selfish, everytime must always do things my way. i dun know why it became like that, but i always thought that was cos he din want to make the decisions.
please dun think that i'm some sadist who likes to hurt ppl on purpose. i'm not that numb or unfeeling. i cant hurt ppl without feeling hurt too. and sometimes i dun even know what i did that hurt them or how they managed to get hurt by it.
i'm not sure what does love feel like anymore. i'm not sure if i've ever experienced it before...maybe once...twice...the feeling whenever u see them, that happy feeling like ur heart is bursting. looking forward to meeting them, talking to them...
just read 2 articles these few days about how it might not be fair to judge ppl base on their facebook...but i realise that it's really easy for ppl to do whatever they want since they can always just argue that's it only online...weird.
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i think i read somewhere that studies/research/surveys have shown that ppl dun like it when their companions keep a constant look-on for other ppl they might know/friends while they are outside together. cos it feels like once they found someone else more interesting/good-looking/humorous/entertaining etc they would get passed over for that someone. it's that constant feeling of "if i'm so interesting, why do they have to keep a look-out for someone more interesting? it must be cos i'm not good enough..."
i used to wonder why ppl would do that...i mean, it would definitely be more fun to talk to ppl u know, and the one u're going out with would definitely be one of those better friends...(if not why are u out with him/her?) that's another reason why i never really notice my surroundings when i'm out with my friends...why should i when the ppl i want to be with are already around me? =)
Monday, August 17, 2009
cant really remember what i did over the weekend...oh but i remember going to play squash on sat morning (surprisingly we all managed to wake up on time!) hence the muscle aches and butt ache...it was...fun to play again after stopping for 6months (since sis got pregnant...) and apparently i sweated so much that i turned red...i din know thick-skinned ppl can do that! =O so maybe it means i still have hope afterall...xD
was quite traumatized cos was afraid of getting caught by the security guard...and the toilet is so scary! :x but hey their notice says "users are required to present their matric card upon request by staff" they never say must be NTU/NIE matric card right! :D so i was planning to just give them mine if they asked...heng they din. xD and realised there was actually a campus dress code..."NO SHORTS" oops =/ so 做贼心虚 loh was afraid of getting caught...==" and got the fright of my life when someone stopped us to ask for directions. SOMEBODY acted like he really knew the place...turned out he pointed them in the wrong direction...i think. ._.
then went to jp for some jubeat (i'm still so far from S4! i want my in the name of love! D:) and witnessed the rapid consumption of a plate of charsiew rice AND a plate of wanton mee (looks nice...yumyum :X).
then went home to shower before meeting celine for lan...she was supposed to ask one more friend along but...somehow she told me there was 3...they were supposed to reach around 6+/7 but ended up reaching only around 8+ then went for dinner...and only 2 came. that Mr Punggol pangseh-ed us again. -.- din really feel like leaving her alone there so...yeah. =/ in the end i was late for mj! again! x.x
then on sunday...went to work (i really dun like waking up early cos i cant sleep early! D:) and...this week's lessons were still quite okay...after that stayed in the office till 6+ cos we set up a lan shop LOL. playing audi side by side! :D wanted to walk home in the *heavy* rain but it suddenly stopped... -.-
i cant get any SSA tutorial slots. i hope i manage to get something i can fit into my timetable...D: the lessons are quite okay, but this sem i'm spending alot on textbooks even though i'm buying most of them 2nd-hand! =( looking forward to natsu matsuri with various ppl this sat...I WANT TO SEE IZU IN YUKATA LOL :X (dar i really really hope our yukatas reach in time...like still no news? -.-) shall take alot of photos! and suddenly have this urge to take some neo-prints...=/ and this thur i'm going to guan yin temple and one other temple to 1. see a fortune teller (so exciting! wanted to do this for a long time but...) 2. get qian for some things. first time also and i wonder how they do it! would be interesting to read the story behind the qian...xD
and and and FD movie marathon coming soon! (dek have u asked ur dad...? :X) and FD4 coming out next week too...plus alot of horror movies too...xDDD
CELINE AND DAR WHEN WANTS GIRLS NIGHT OUT AND WANT DO WHAT? :D
Thursday, August 13, 2009
i dun know how to say this. all the way from sch to the office, i was thinking of all kinds of worst scenarios. all of them involved u doing/saying something to break my trust, and wondering just what happened, going sick with worry and apprehension. but in the end, it was my intergrity/honesty that was being doubted. and as is the case with all things unexpected, it's what u dun guess/expect that kills u.
when someone ask me something, no matter who they are or what the question is, my first response would always be "Why?".
i thought i was the one who needs to learn how to trust. i thought by being always honest with ppl, they would take my words seriously and believe me.
我还能说什么？你一开始就已经判了刑，还来问我干什么。。。
thank u for teaching me another very valuable lesson. time for stronger, thicker walls, stronger, better defences... =)
笑着流泪，that's what i'm best at anyway.
the worst part about being unhappy isnt being alone with no one to help u bear it, it's being upset inside yet unable to show it outside. which was what i did all the way from sch to my office. and i still have 3hrs before i can go home...
i'm just glad this happened before i did anything stupid.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
looooooooong weekend this week! went jp with sis on fri for my first manicure and pedicure (i was only expecting the manicure loh as a result i wasnt mentally prepared enough...) and they actually do more things than i expected! i was wondering how come manicures take so long when all they have to do is just paint the nails...then i realise they also do some massaging and applying various "things". i think i like the massage! maybe i should go try more next time...and the pain...i managed to make myself switch off from the pain...LOL. =/
then on sat woke up at 9am (even though i din have to work or what, woke up for mac breakfast!) we were supposed to meet at 10...but SOMEBODY woke up late and still had time to do facebook notes! -.- so missed mac breakfast...D: then rushed to cathay to watch UP cos the movie starts at 1145 and we only met at 11... -.- spoilers ahead! :X
the movie was quite nice but we were abit late? it had started already when we went in...so in the story there was 2 ppl, an old guy and the kid. the movie started from the life story of the old guy...and it's so romantic! the way he met his wife was simply... ._. haha but the way he missed her after she died...i can feel his pain LOL. =/ and i'm glad that the kid gave him what he din have after his wife died...some of the parts were just damn funny loh. recommend this if u have no movies to watch/bored/in a laughing mood...
then went home to rot for about an hour and change before going for cousin's wedding (photos maybe after they upload it?) I CANT BELIEVE MY COUSIN GOT MARRIED! okay lah maybe i can but he's only 24! and last year my another cousin got married at 24 too!! =O is it fashionable to marry young nowadays? ._. anyway memories of how we used to play together in a group suddenly came flooding back. it's like...how can someone who used to climb up and down the beds/mattresses be getting married already?! LOLOL! :X but anyway the dinner was not bad lah (considering i dun even eat much things until the noodles...)
they had a photo montage consisting of their photos up till now, a video of the morning's tea ceremony and they had something extra! it was an animation about how they met and got to know each other AND IT WAS SO CUTE! xD but hoh the animation characters dun look that cute loh...i think i can do better. =/ (hurhurhur...) and really loh weddings never fail to touch me. x.x
so after the dinner rushed to meet suntect, mh and sharn...went to the pub first and requested to drink dar's beer before i remembered that it was bitter! x.x then went to play l4d until 330am! ==" actually we only played 2 campaigns...tried the normal one to warm up first and then progressed to advanced...somehow we kept dying! -.- i dun know why loh the tank always manage to come out from the wrong place...so in the end our number of times restarted = 6...=/ but not bad lah considering we restarted 6 times we only took 2hrs for the whole thing! ohoh and my bro's gf just told me last night that my gown/dress for their wedding shall be sponsored! MUAHAHAHA sorry loh bro i think the bridal shop got dresses in my size but perhaps not in urs! time to diet hoh. :D
还在回味你给过的温柔
我微笑着让香味停留
缘分走到这也赖着不走
像夹心饼干中间有甜头
继续下去不需要理由
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
maybe it's time to start trusting completely...
u wont believe how much courage it took to get that question out.
but it's something i've been wondering about for quite awhile.
seems like i finally got the answer... =)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
i said i was commitment phobic din i?
just remembered a part of a convo i once had with dar. cant really rememeber how we started talking about this, but the important part was something like...
her: huh he not scared he become like hl also ah?
and i was like...yeah...how do i know it wont happen again? i cant even trust myself now. i thought i was the only one who thought this way but apparently dar thinks this way too...abit creepy to hear my own dark thoughts echoed by someone else. =/
do i really know u very well? come to think of it, do u know me very well? just thought of an interesting analogy suddenly. imagine that relationships are like buying something. u go somewhere, perhaps already with some idea of what design u want to find. but if u find one that u like and the price is within ur budget, u would still buy it even if it's different from what u initially thought u wanted. but the difference is that things like electronics come with warranty. u can exchange for a new one or fix it for free within the warranty period. but relationships dun. u cant break up and then use ur warranty card to exchange for a new one cos it wont be the same. u also wont get back the feelings/efforts u have put in.
i know we said to experiment and not contact for one week, but i think the answer wont be what u want. i just hope u wont be too disappointed after one week...
問世閒情爲何物。。。
i remember asking max (i think i mentioned this before already) what are the boundaries for friends and something more than friends. then i thought of something, the song we once sang for talentime audition (and din get in LOL): "友達以上，戀人未滿" ie more than friends, not yet lovers. just had a long chat and i finally told him what has been bothering me...and he turned out to be more understanding than i thought. no wonder he could stand being my good friend for so long...xD
something i got enlightened on recently...it's easy to be/feel happy with friends, cos with friends u have lower expectations, like u wont expect ur friends to ditch everything they are doing to console u when u're feeling really down, yet when u're with someone u secretly wish for them to be by ur side 24/7 even though u know it's not possible, then blaming them for not being there for u...
he says i have changed alot since the time before we lost contact for 2 years ie sometime in jc1 till now. apparently now i've became more cynical and defensive...(that's what i understood from what he said lah. correct me if i'm wrong... :X) but obviously loh who wont change when 1. they lost contact with their friends for 2 years (i also dun know how that happened, somehow it just did, cos i got sick of having to explain myself, having quarrels every single time after i go out with my friends) and 2. had to rebuild their lives practically from scratch.
it's the feeling that u're standing among a crowd, not moving yet still feeling lost. cos i forgot who i was anymore. i din know how to be by myself anymore. another thing he mentioned was...something about the way i show concern now? :X lol yeah i sort of discovered that if u show how much u care about someone, u're actually exposing urself to hurt, making urself vulnerable. cos if u dun care then u wont get hurt. it's only when u care what that person say or do then would u get hurt...
i never trusted ppl easily ever since i was sec2, which is why i always observe ppl for quite sometime before i decide if they are actually "safe" enough for me to trust, cos it's when u trust ppl that their betrayal hurts the most. like discovering ur friend has actually been hiding something important concerning u from u. even then i do not trust them 100%...i still need to reserve some part, just in case the worst happens i wont be caught completely unprepared, at least i can say " wa heng i never completely trust that person sia...if not would have been completely cheated liao".
sometimes no matter how much u want a relationship to work, it wont cos it's missing something. for me i think in order to have a relationship, they need to 1. know each other well enough that they know what they are in for (LOL sounds bad :X), so that they can trust each other and 2. chemistry. i couldnt differentiate between friendship and love anymore. it felt like we were still just friends. oh well...i kind of forgot what i was going to blog about. =/
Monday, August 3, 2009
had to wake up at 7 again...D: the p1 and p2 kids really make me feel like...strangling them. :X NEXT TIME MY NEPHEWS/NIECES/CHILDREN BETTER DUN BE SO NAUGHTY AH!! i think it's karma from my primary sch days...that's why being a teacher wasnt one of my career choices...cos i knew i would just vomit blood. x.x anyway, went out after work with mh and suntec to arcade/lan/pool!
we also went to the pub/bar near suntec's house to drink. O.O Yay I DRANK MY FIRST ALCOHOLIC DRINK! :D it's called spritzer (made of white wine and soda) and it tasted...bitter. i was expecting something sweeter bah since it includes soda...but nvm it just gets better (or maybe my tongue just gets numb after the first few sips.) then drank till 1215 (i only drank 1 glass hoh.) then went to play pool~next time dun dare play with suntec liao lah she's so pro~ =/ stopped played after 1 or 2 games cos i realised i was falling asleep while standing. :X and decided not to talk much also cos i wasnt sure what kind of things would come out. x.x
i thought ppl only drink when they are feeling emo...i actually get emo AFTER i drink. -.- some ppl get noisy/embarrassing after they drink...i actually just get quieter and quieter. :X but dar next time i still want go try hoh! see got which drinks are nicer de. xD
Saturday, August 1, 2009
woke up at the ungodly hour of 720 to go to work...(and the irritating thing is i actually have to do it again tmr -.-) then worked till 1130 and went to meet celine kint izu dek jojo~dek and kint were the ones who told us not to be late one loh in the end they both late! D: (yes kint 1min also considered late hoh!) then we walked to Pan Pacific Hotel (yes celine i finally remember the name...dun need keep telling me PP anymore hoh. x.x) then the rest went for their 3rd serving while i was still eating my first... =/
i think we spent about 3hrs + there just eating and crapping...(not literally, at least maybe except for celine xD)
the dying flower on kint/celine/izu's table...
and the blossoming one on me/dek/jojo's! :D
the "chocolate fondue"!! xDDD
dek's piece of art~
jojo + izu...ai mei-ing?? O.O
last but not least...mr kinky! :D
after eating we walked to dhoby/park lane for lan...i intro-ed l4d to both celine and xin dar! xD hurhur but celine seemed traumatized...=/ then we went to dhoby with the intention of being guai-kias and going home, but as usual we couldnt resist the temption of arcade (but surprisingly we din jubeat today, we just played a few *free* rounds of bball and took neoprints!)
i designed this! (kint dun need thank me for the da-bians...xD) and...
this! something on everyone's head. izu is 50% off! lelong lelong who want buy~~
the yellow king + queen one designed by my dar... :D
NEXT TIME WE GO TAKE AGAIN OKAY! xDDD
