this is now the 104th post (technically) and i haven wrote my 100th post yet. x.x anyway, was supposed to go for a trial run today. but suddenly realised cos i asked myself this question: "do i really really really want this?" this = the job at some learning centre for very young kids. firstly, the pay's really good (at least i think so lah), however, the hours are not so good. it's only on weekends so while it may be a good job to have while studying, it greatly limits my going-out time.
secondly, the job itself. most ppl may not know this, BUT I'M REALLY SCARED OF SMALL KIDS. T.T let me explain. i'm fine with children generally, as long as 1. they dun bug me 2. they dun cry 3. they dun hurt themselves. and ppl wonder why i like babies the most. that's cos they cant talk, walk or do anything! xD
but really loh, i asked myself this very crucial question: do i really want to be stuck inside an air-conditioned room surrounded by one whole room of 3-4 years-olds and actually have to be responsible for teaching and taking care of them. i really cant do it. it's different if i'm only supposed to play with them or take care of them or when i'm teaching kids i know, cos then i would be more...relaxed..?
was writing this and thinking when i suddenly thought of a term that i think suits me so i went to look it up in wiki : "The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. Commitmentphobia is a real disabling fear, that can be manifest in many areas of life, including career, home ownership, or even shoe shopping. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden."--from wikipedia. but psych lecturers keep stressing not to make any diagnosis too easily so i shall remain politically correct. this is just a reference~
but this brings me to another point. i've realised that i'm always running away. no, saying this doesnt mean i would face all my worries face-on from now on, i'm just saying.
*thisismymagicaltale*