i'm going to post a lot man-woman jokes, cos i'm a cynic just like nattie. =D
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than six seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window, and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
"Three rings of marriage: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
"They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death."
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APPLES & WINE
Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now men...men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the **** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
*thisismymagicaltale*